Maybe Baby?

This post is pretty much coming out of nowhere and unfortunately has nothing to do with renovation...sorry.

There was a point in my life when I thought I'd have a rather large family. This was mainly because in my adult life having four siblings has been such a blessing and a ton of fun. My fiance on the other hand only has one sibling. This helped to solidify my thoughts because our families are so very different; how much we hang out together, the way we celebrate holidays etc. In my family occasions have always been a big deal and a time to celebrate! In his, though a big deal, not much of a celebration, or should I say a much different type. Being with him has really exposed me to the differences within families.

Then one day, I decided that I wasn't sure that I wanted kids at all, Chris felt the same way. It's not quite that we didn't want kids, we were just indifferent. If we had them great, if we didn't that was fine too. I think we just really began to enjoy our lives so much that kids were just not on our priority list. This is so odd considering the fact that we both ABSOLUTELY adore kids!! Chris is like the kid magnet of the family, all of the kids literally flock to him. He's absolutely fabulous with them as well. When the adults are together hanging out Chris makes sure that the little ones are not neglected. He always takes time to play with them when others may not want to be "bothered", or in the mood to play "attacker" as Camden would say.

I have a beautiful niece Keirstin(17), she is the one and only girl. I have four nephews, Wesley (18), Xavier (7), Camden (5) and Jamison (2). They are my joy and the simple thoughts of them just make me melt. I am especially close to the youngest two boys, I am their second mommy and sometimes I try to convince them that I'm the first mommy! He he he! My nephew Camden is so precious and tries to keep everyone happy. He'll say to my sister and I, you can both be the mommy! My sister is like "yea right kid" and I'm like "of course we can!" I sometimes say that it will be impossible for me to love anyone more than I love those kids. Though everyone tells me, just wait until you have your own. I would just brush that statement off because nothing can trump my boys!! You can see more about them here. When Cam was 3 he once told me "Auntie, you're my favorite girlfriend" sigh...he just makes my heart flutter :-). Chris and I often hear that we'd be great parents, maybe one day who knows?

However, nothing in me felt the urge to have a child. My sister said when she was ready to have a baby her body told her she was ready. She truly felt it, an urge, a longing. She knew when it was time. She told me that when/if it is time, that feeling would come naturally. On the other hand I've heard from others that they didn't necessarily feel any urge or longing...maybe those people had kids sooner than they wanted?? Not sure, my guess is that each situation is different.

But today I began to feel...different. Today I had a strong feeling that I just might want a baby. I was in the hair salon drinking a Java Chip Frappaccino from Starbucks, reading a magazine and looking at a facebook notice that a coworker had just given birth to her 3rd child the day before. When this feeling came over me it lingered, and I promise it wasn't a caffeine high lol! Then the feeling would go away but it would come back. Now, there have been random times when I would see a baby and say to Chris "I want a baby" but that feeling would go away. In fact it wasn't quite a feeling at all as much as it was just a baby in my presence that made me smile. Chris would say "when you say that you want a baby 5 days in a row, then I'll think that you're serious." Yea, like there is some 5 day certainty rule lol! But I understood his point. We'd laugh my temporary moment of gushiness away and proceed with our happy lives.

The problem interesting thing is, today was different. I told Chris this evening that I really think I want a baby. I said, clearly I'll have time to think about it given the fact that we are not married yet. The time will let me know if I am just having a hormonal bout of insanity or absolute clarity. I asked him if he wants a baby and he said "Yep I do". Now we've had small moments similar to this before though fleeting, but he'd be sooo endearing about it and would comfort me. Could this time be different? Could we be fortunate enough to be in sync and actually coming to that realization that we want a child at the exact same time?

So, the reason that I am writing about this is to capture the joy and the thoughts that I experienced today. Whatever I felt was a great feeling and if in the near future it turns out to be a continuing feeling then my sister would have been right.

 I guess we'll see! After the yet to be planned wedding of course...hopefully after the yet to be planned wedding ;-).

Tatum